


Give Me Reason

by monday7112



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alley Sex, Community: help_haiti, First Time, M/M, Top!Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-20
Updated: 2010-03-20
Packaged: 2017-10-17 17:45:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/179520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monday7112/pseuds/monday7112
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's angsty. Castiel's demanding.  They're both in an alley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://callie-828.livejournal.com/profile)[**callie_828**](http://callie-828.livejournal.com/) who purchased a fic during the Lightning Round II: V-Gift Boogaloo at [](http://community.livejournal.com/help_haiti/profile)[**help_haiti**](http://community.livejournal.com/help_haiti/) and requested Sam/Castiel. Thank you so much, [](http://callie-828.livejournal.com/profile)[**callie_828**](http://callie-828.livejournal.com/) for making the donation and for putting it toward purchasing my services. Which, uh. Did not sound at all the way I meant it to but whatever. Point is, thank you for believing in me enough as a writer to spend your charitable dollars on my words instead of someone else's.

Sam had no idea when it had started, let alone why but lately every time he was in the same room as Castiel, all he could think about was…well…things one shouldn’t be thinking about when they were in the presence of an angel, thank you very much, and he was about to go completely out of his mind with frustration. After a particularly long and difficult day, in which he’d spent hours alone with Castiel in a private study room at the library, fighting off thought after thought on some variation of bending Castiel over the stack of books and taking him hard and fast right there, Sam had finally slammed the book he was looking at shut, announced he needed a drink and gotten the hell out of Dodge.

He had initially planned to return to the motel room and do his best to deal with his frustration himself, but the chances that Castiel would follow him there to find out what was wrong were entirely too high. And so, Sam had headed down to a roadside bar he’d noticed on their way into town. He arrived at his destination cranky, horny, and in no mood to deal with the woman who was trying to throw herself at him. His mind was other places. Goddamn angel, he’d broken Sam’s brain. Obviously, since he was turning down a sure thing like this woman promised to be. But he was also in no mood to think about whatever that might mean, so he turned to the bartender, ordered a couple of shots and figured he’d drink the problem away.

He was downing his second shot when out of the corner of his eye he saw the door to the bar swing open and a pair of figures he suspected might be Dean and Castiel walk in. Another glance out of the corner of his eye confirmed his suspicion. He swore under his breath. When did Cas start joining Dean at bars anyway? Was it too much to ask for some space from the damn angel? His frustration rising, he stood up and scanned the bar, hoping to make his exit before he was spotted by the two new arrivals. No such luck.

“Sammy!” he heard Dean calling him from the pool table he was setting up for a game. “Let’s play.”

He gripped his shot and took a few deep breaths, trying to get his reeling thoughts under control but from the moment Castiel had walked through the door all Sam could think about was him. It was becoming increasingly clear that he had to find some way to deal with this newfound obsession or he’d have to give up hunting again and there was no way that he was about to tell Dean that he was quitting because he couldn’t get the thought of Castiel out of his head. Something had to give.

“Sammy!” Dean shouted again, and Sam shook him off, downing another shot instead. When he turned around again he saw Dean watching him with an eyebrow raised, confusion and concern hidden just out of sight in his eyes. Sam knew he had to be wondering what was up but the thought of Dean knowing what he was thinking about right now was even worse than the thought of telling him what he’d been doing with Ruby all of last year had been. He couldn’t bring himself to admit to it. He saw Dean turn and say something to Castiel who cocked his head in that way he had which made Sam want to just reach out and…okay. That thought wasn’t going anywhere productive. Maybe getting laid—by someone who was not a warrior of heaven, that is—would reset his brain.

He scanned the bar. The woman who had been hitting on him earlier had gone back to sit with her friends but was still shooting him glances to let him know that he hadn’t missed his chance. Dean was still watching him so he nodded almost imperceptibly in the direction of the woman. The concern and confusion evaporated and Dean gave him a wide smile and an entirely too obvious thumbs up. Sam rolled his eyes. He may have no idea what the fuck was going on in his own mind nowadays but Dean’s had remained quite easy for him to read. He was never going to argue with Sam when he thought his little brother was going to get himself laid.

Unless it were Castiel, that is. Sam somehow thought Dean might take a _lot_ of issue with his little brother sleeping with the angel on their shoulder. He groaned and slammed his hand against the counter then motioned to the bartender.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“Probably not,” Sam mumbled. She gave him a sympathetic look which he did his best to avoid. “I’ll pay for another of whatever she’s drinking,” he said, motioning toward the brunette who was still sending him surreptitious glances under the edge of her lashes every few minutes.

“Her?” the bartender said with a smile. “Honey, you don’t even need to buy her a drink to help with that. She’s clearly interested.”

Sam’s answering smile was half-hearted at best. If only she were the one he needed help with. No. He knew just how to handle her. The bartender was still standing there, watching him. “I’d still like the drink,” he said finally, “and whatever you have on tap for me.”

“Sure thing,” she said, turning and walking off to the end of the bar. A few minutes later she returned with his drink. “I’d say good luck but you aren’t going to need it,” she stated, setting the drinks down on the bar.

“Thanks,” he said, picking them up and heading over to the table, putting on his best charming smile as he walked. God, he hated this scene. Always had, even in college. Having grown up in bars, hustling pool and darts for money, they held none of mystique and appeal that so many of his classmates had seemed to find in them. Instead, they were just reminders of everything he had never had as a child, of every fucked up second of his fucked up life. He did his best to push those thoughts away and get his game face on when his eyes landed on the angel across the room, who was currently trying to hit the cue ball with his pool cue turned around the wrong way. The fake smile became real.

As though he’d felt Sam watching him Castiel lifted his eyes and they locked with Sam’s. As he always did, Sam dropped his gaze first. Looking into Castiel’s eyes made him feel entirely too…raw, exposed, _vulnerable_. Like he could see everything that Sam was thinking. And Castiel didn’t need to know that Sam was thinking any of the things that he was. The only one who might be more upset than Dean about the feelings he had for Castiel was, well. Castiel.

Sam shook his head then looked up in surprise to find that he was almost on top of the trio of women that included the brunette. “I heard you liked chocolatinis,” Sam said, setting the drink in front of the woman, whose friends had erupted into a fit of giggles at his arrival.

“You did,” she said, looking at the drink and then appraising Sam. He lifted his glass toward hers and they both took a drink. Sam didn’t miss the fact that she made it a point to swirl her tongue around the straw before slipping it into her mouth. The fact that his dick went half hard at the sight had nothing whatsoever to do with her, though and everything to do with the fact that he immediately thought of Castiel doing the same thing to him. Fuck. She was supposed to be getting his mind _off_ of Castiel. “You heard right.”

“A pool table just opened up,” one of the women in her group said too loudly, nudging the other woman sitting at the table. “Let’s go play.”

The second woman had been staring at Sam and looked startled but quickly regrouped and agreed. They stood up and nearly ran over to the table next to where Dean and Castiel were standing. Sam watched them retreat, reminded of Dean’s behavior pretty much any time a woman showed interest in him.

As he watched them walk away his eyes once again locked on Castiel, who jumped the cue ball off of the table and sent it flying at Dean. He could hear Dean swearing from across the bar as the ball struck him in the shoulder and he let out a small laugh. Ghosts couldn’t get a jump on his brother but give Castiel a pool cue…

“You know them?” the woman said, interrupting Sam’s train of thought.

Sam returned his gaze to hers. “What? Oh, uh…yeah. That’s my brother,” he said, nodding toward Dean. “And, uh…” he trailed off, trying to think of the best way to describe Castiel. Unable to come up with anything besides “the angel I might be falling in love with”—and where the hell did that thought even come from?—he coughed. “…his friend,” he finally finished lamely.

The brunette’s gaze was interested. “He _with_ your brother?” she asked.

Sam almost spit out the drink he had just taken. Dean and Castiel? Now that was a ridiculous thought. “Uh, no…” he answered, wiping himself off with a napkin. “No, not together. Not like that, anyway.”

“Then why the hostility?” she inquired.

“Wow,” Sam said before he could think, “you’re direct, aren’t you?”

“I find it gets me what I want most of the time,” she responded with a smile.

“Right,” Sam said, shifting in his chair. He was beginning to wonder at the wisdom of his plan. At this rate, the only thing that was going to happen when he got her back to the motel room was him bursting into tears and confessing his feelings for Castiel. This had to end. “Well, then. The, uh…the hostility is really just. He…” Why did he keep finding himself out of words every time the subject of Castiel was brought up? “I’m afraid he doesn’t much care for me,” he answered at last. “You could say he doesn’t approve of some of the choices I’ve made.”

That probably qualified as the understatement of the millennium. If not, it definitely ranked up there.

He needed to get off the topic of Castiel, and fast, before he said something stupid. Or more stupid, anyway. “I’m Sam, by the way,” he said, reaching out his hand.

“Christine,” she responded, taking Sam’s hand and shaking it. Her hands were soft and smooth, her handshake firm. And why was he thinking about a beautiful woman’s touch as _firm_ for fuck’s sake? Nothing about this encounter was going the way it was supposed to and his frustration level was rapidly nearing boiling point.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Sam said.

“Likewise,” she agreed, swirling her tongue again around the straw of her drink and taking another sip. She set down the drink and gave Sam another long look. “You want to get out of here?” she said at last, the look in her eyes leaving no doubt as to her intent.

Sam stared at her, then gave another small laugh. “You really are direct,” he said again.

She leaned in and trailed a finger along Sam’s cheek, her breath hot against his skin. “I already told you,” she whispered, “I find it gets me what I want.”

Sam stood up and pulled out his wallet, dropping some money on the table to cover his drinks and waving to Dean, steadfastly ignoring Castiel’s presence entirely as Christine took his hand and began pulling him out of the bar.

“Did you bring a car?” she asked once they were outside.

“No,” Sam said. “My motel’s just up the way. I walked.”

“That’s fine. We’ll take mine,” she said. “It’s parked out back.”

Just as they rounded the corner into the alley a figure stepped out of the shadows. Sam reached instinctively for his gun but then cussed as he realized that it was Castiel who must have followed them, or rather, beaten, them to the alley. Christine opened her mouth to scream but Sam squeezed her hand. “It’s just my brother’s friend,” he explained.

“Sam, I need to talk to you,” Castiel said in that urgent tone of his.

Christine was staring at Castiel, her eyes wide. “How’d he get out here so fast?” she asked Sam. “Wasn’t he inside when we…”

“Stepped out for a smoke just before we left,” Sam said.

Castiel was watching Christine with a hard expression that Sam had never seen on the angel’s face before. If Sam didn’t know better, he would swear it was jealousy. “I don’t smoke, Sam. You know that.”

Christine turned again to Sam. “Sam, what’s going on? How did he get out here before we—”

“I’m an angel of the Lord,” Castiel informed her. “We can appear anywhere we wish at any time.”

Sam almost groaned. “Castiel, really. Now is _not_ a good time.”

Christine pulled her hand away from Sam and took a step backwards, watching Castiel warily. “An…angel? Uh…huh. Listen, Sam. It was really good to meet you. You seem like a sweet guy but I, uh. I just remembered that I promised I’d give Erin a ride home tonight, so uh…I should really get back inside.”

“Christine, no. It’s okay. I know he sounds a little crazy and he is, but I promise he’s harmless…I’ll just take him back inside and,” Sam said, trying to calm the thoughts which were now swirling out of control through his head as he tried to figure out what exactly was happening. Why had Castiel come to the bar with Dean tonight? What was he doing in the alley? And why was he staring at Christine like that? He tore his gaze away from the angel who was fucking everything up, making it impossible for him to think straight and turned back to Christine only to find she had already turned the corner and disappeared. “We can be on our way…” he finished. Sam felt the frustration which had been building all night finally begin to boil over. “Do you mind telling me what in the hell this is all about, Cas?” he demanded.

“Were you planning on taking her back to your room?” Castiel asked, closing the distance between them at an alarming pace. By the time he reached the end of his sentence, he was standing directly in front of Sam, intoxicatingly close, their chests almost touching. Sam clung desperately to his anger; it was the only thing keeping his head clear.

“Not anymore,” he retorted, attempting to shove Castiel aside so he could get past and get out of there but he didn’t budge. Instead, he lifted a hand to Sam’s chest and gave a small push. Sam stumbled backwards, surprised by Castiel’s strength although he supposed he probably shouldn’t be, what with him being an angel and all. He came to a stop as his back hit against the brick wall of the bar but the angel didn’t drop his hand. Instead he brought his face even closer to Sam’s, their lips mere inches apart.

“Is she what you want?” Castiel asked.

“Get out of my face. It’s none of your damn business what I want.”

Castiel pushed him even harder up against the wall, leaning forward so his lips were nearly touching Sam’s ear. “Answer me,” Castiel demanded, voice quiet, breath hot against Sam’s neck.

“I don’t owe you anything.”

“You don’t want her,” Castiel whispered. “I see it, every time you look at me.” He pulled back, his eyes catching Sam’s. “You can say no all you want, Sam. Your eyes are begging me to kiss you, right now.”

Sam snarled, the sound coming out almost desperate. “Why can’t you just leave this alone?” he asked, struggling to keep his voice under control. Now it was Castiel’s turn to remain silent. Sam’s fists clenched; but Castiel didn’t move. He had Sam pinned against the wall with no hope of escape unless the angel chose to let him go.

“Fuck!” he shouted this time, slamming his fists backward against the wall because it was the only thing he could do. His hands were throbbing now, raw and probably bloody from where they had scraped against the wall but it did very little to take his mind off of the thoughts he didn’t want to have but couldn’t seem to find a way to control. Something inside of him snapped and his eyes darkened, predatory now. “Is that what you want, Cas?” he growled. He reached up, entangling his hand in Castiel’s hair and drawing his lips so that they hovered just inches from his own. “You want to hear me say it? You want me to tell you that I can’t look at you without thinking about tearing your clothes off, touching you all over and fucking you until you’re crying out my name? That what you want to hear?”

Castiel groaned, his breathing shallow, but he didn’t move away. Sam pulled Castiel closer. “You want me to kiss you?” He ground his lips against Castiel’s, the kiss rough, hard, all of his frustration sinking into ravaging those impossibly soft lips. Yet Castiel didn’t draw away, didn’t flinch. He met Sam’s lips with a surprising fervor of his own, nipping and biting at Sam’s lower lip until Sam almost cried out in some combination of pleasure and pain and sheer satisfaction. The sensation was enough to shock Sam to his senses and he dropped his hand, pushing Castiel, who stumbled backward a few steps this time, caught by surprise at Sam’s abrupt shift in behavior.

Sam was breathing heavy now, his cock aching against his jeans. His thoughts no longer made sense, want and desire polluted his restraint. It was clear; he had to get the hell out before there was no going back. “Leave me the fuck alone,” he warned, a faint tremor lacing his voice.

Castiel didn’t move but his penetrating stare softened. At that exact moment, he almost seemed vulnerable, which was a strange thought to have about an angel. Sam laughed bitterly, as if the other thoughts he’d been having about Castiel were perfectly normal. God he was a freak.

“Why, Sam?” Castiel asked simply.

Sam found himself caught off-guard by the genuine confusion in Castiel’s voice and he felt the anger start to fade, regret taking its place. “Cas, I…” He trailed off. Where did he even begin to answer that question?

Castiel stepped forward. “Sam…”

“You…hate me…” Sam said at last, shifting uncomfortably.

Castiel’s answering look was incredulous. “Hate you? Sam, how could you think that?”

Now it was Sam’s turn to look incredulous. “Why would I—you can’t be serious, can you?” But it was obvious that Castiel was, in point of fact, completely serious. “Cas, you… You—threatened to kill me, for starters.” Sam stopped as he saw Castiel wince at the reminder.

“I didn’t know you then,” was all Castiel said.

Sam ran a hand through his hair, taking a moment to let the meaning of his words sink in. _Castiel didn’t hate him_. He fought the swell of emotion that came over him at the revelation. In retrospect, that much should have been obvious when he’d followed Sam to the alley but Sam simply hadn’t stopped to think about it.

He swallowed hard. The fact that Castiel didn’t hate him didn’t change anything. Or. Well. It didn’t change _this_ , didn’t change the fact that nothing was ever going to happen between them. Nothing beyond the kiss they had just shared.

“Please just leave me alone, Castiel. Okay? Whatever you might think—whatever _I_ might feel, this,” and here he waved his hand, indicating the two of them, “is not going to happen. Ever. And it’ll be easier for all of us if you and I get this straight since avoiding each other isn’t really an option right now.”

“Why?” he asked again, his eyes still boring into Sam’s. “Sam, please. Tell me the truth.”

Castiel was not going to give up. Sam knew when he was beaten; lies and excuses, even good ones like “because my brother would kill us both” would no longer suffice. The angel would see through them effortlessly.

Sam slumped against the wall and cast his eyes downward, gaze fixed obstinately on his boots. “I drank demon blood,” he said, so quietly that he wondered if Castiel could even hear him. “It’s still in me. It’ll never go away. I’m not even fully human. I’ve never been and that’s not going to change.”

“Sam,” Castiel whispered, reaching out his hand. Sam brushed it away.

“I killed an innocent woman and drank her dry so I could kill Lilith,” he continued. “And then I started the Apocalypse. I’m…” He took a deep breath, struggling to keep his voice even. “I know I’m going to Hell,” he said finally. “When this is all done, even if your brothers are wrong and I manage to avoid my fate, manage to say no to Lucifer, I’m going to Hell, Cas and the very last thing I need is to drag you down with me.”

Castiel was beside him again in an instant, one hand on his shoulder, the other reaching up and cupping his jaw, forcing their eyes to lock. “You aren’t entirely to blame for all of that, Sam,” Castiel said. “Your brother, myself, we all played our parts. You have to learn to forgive yourself.”

Sam swallowed back the lump that was rising at the back of his throat. He had already made a complete idiot of himself, he didn’t need to break down in tears, too. He tried to look away, but Castiel’s grip though gentle, was unyielding. “And if I’m falling, it’s through no fault of your own. I disobeyed direct orders. That was enough to get Lucifer thrown out of heaven and Anna dragged back. I’m hardly innocent in all of this. Not in the way you seem to think I am. One kiss from you—more than a kiss from you—that isn’t going to damn either of us any more than we already are.”

Sam could feel tears burning at the edges of his eyes. This time when he turned his head, Castiel let his hand slip away, allowing him to avert his eyes. A tear slid down his cheek, then another. Castiel raised his hand once more, gently brushing them away. “Forgive yourself, Sam. Dean has. Bobby has. I have. And my Father, He’ll forgive you, too. Forgive us both,” Castiel added, the last so quiet that Sam barely heard it.

In the next instant Castiel’s lips were on his again and this time, he didn’t resist. His hands splayed across Castiel’s chest, enjoying the firmness against his fingers as his tongue traced the contour of the angel’s lips which parted at his demand. Sam groaned as Castiel’s tongue met his, tasting Sam greedily while his hands tangled fiercely in Sam’s hair, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. Sam trailed his hands down Castiel’s chest then snaked them under his trenchcoat and around his waist, cupping his ass as he drew their bodies together. Sam’s cock stiffened as Castiel pressed against him, his own desire obvious through the fabric of his pants.

Castiel dropped his hands to Sam’s waist, fumbling with his shirt then lifting it up as his hands slipped underneath. Tilting his head back, he moaned softly. Sam lowered his head, tasting the soft expanse of skin at the base of his neck, his tongue skimming along until Castiel let out another soft moan and then he bit down, feeling the angel’s body move next to his. “Fuck…” he breathed. “Feels so good.”

Castiel ground his cock into Sam’s, his thumbs alternately flicking over Sam’s nipples and circling them gently. Sam felt his knees go weak as pleasure coursed through every inch of his body. “Castiel…” he moaned.

“I love it when you say my name,” Castiel panted, continuing his ministrations.

“Castiel,” Sam said again and he was rewarded by Castiel grinding his cock harder against Sam’s. “You feel so fucking good.”

Castiel pulled back slightly, his eyes roving up and down Sam’s body. Sam ceased his movements, the familiar feeling of vulnerability under Castiel’s penetrating gaze washing over him and yet Sam marveled at how completely safe and secure he felt in Castiel’s arms. “I want to touch you,” Castiel said, eyes darkening with desire, hands reaching down and undoing Sam’s belt then unbuttoning his jeans. He slid his hand underneath the fabric, his fingers encircling Sam’s cock and tugging, pulling it free of the fabric which had been restraining it.

Sam groaned, leaning against the wall for support. Somewhere at the back of his mind it occurred to him that they were in an alley behind a bar and that anyone, that Dean, could come along at any moment and find them but Castiel was sliding his fingers along the length of Sam’s cock and the thought disappeared before he could voice it. “You’re so beautiful, Sam,” Castiel murmured.

Leaning down Sam caught Castiel’s lips with his own, their tongues dancing together then retreating as Castiel continued to explore Sam’s cock with his hand. There was nothing hesitant or timid about the angel’s explorations. His hand tightened, then gave a slight jerk. “Cas,” Sam cried out.

Castiel smiled, granting him another gentle tug. Sam shuddered, his heart racing.

“ _Yes_. Fucking hell Castiel, if I didn’t know better I’d think you—” Sam broke off as Castiel dropped to his knees, his tongue sliding along Sam’s length before his lips surrounded him completely. Sam cried out, his fingers reaching down and tangling into Castiel’s hair, pulling him tighter against him. “Cas…”

Castiel pulled his lips back, just the tongue circling the head of Sam’s cock. “Please,” Sam said, trying to force Castiel to take more of him into his mouth but Castiel was content to simply lick along the underside of Sam’s shaft, then gently run his tongue over Sam’s balls, his hand massaging them as he did so. “Fuck, Cas,” Sam groaned.

He was beginning to feel like a broken record but it seemed all he was capable of saying at the moment. Castiel’s tongue reached the tip again, dancing over the head before his lips parted and he took Sam completely inside his mouth then drew his lips back up. Sam writhed against Castiel, searching for more friction, desperate for release. Castiel didn’t seem to be in any real hurry, however, his mouth languidly exploring Sam’s length.

The angel pulled off of Sam with a lewd ‘pop’, and he smiled up at Sam, slowly licking his lips. “Fucking tease,” Sam growled in frustration.

In one smooth motion, Castiel stood up, grabbed Sam’s wrists, and firmly locked him against the ugly wall of the back alley. He held him in place with one hand while the other reached down and quickly released his own cock which he ground against Sam’s, whispering, “I want to be inside of you, Sam.”

Sam was in no frame of mind to deny Castiel anything at this point. He nodded and bucked his hips against Castiel, spreading his legs, trying to get even closer. “Want you…” he panted.

Castiel ran his free hand along Sam’s cock, pressing his thumb against the tip, rubbing the slit and smearing the precum that had collected. Reaching between Sam’s legs he slowly worked one finger inside and then another. Sam gasped at the pain that tore through him at the breach but he’d felt far worse pain in his life. Castiel continued working his fingers inside, gently stretching Sam. Waves of pleasure mingled with and then replaced the pain as his fingers found Sam’s prostate.

“Mmm…So _good_ , Cas,” he managed to pant as Castiel began working in a third finger, moving and twisting torturously. Castiel was being patient, working methodically, making sure Sam was opened up, ready for him. Castiel’s deliberate motions had the opposite effect on Sam, driving him quickly into a frenzy. “Wanna…come…” he gasped out, struggling against Castiel’s hand which was still clamped around his wrists, trapping them securely above his head.

Castiel’s fingers stilled. “Not yet,” he whispered, sliding his fingers out. “Shhh...Sam. Wait for me.”

Castiel’s breath tickled against his neck. He released Sam’s hands and reached down, grabbing Sam’s legs and lifting him effortlessly. Sam automatically wrapped his legs around Castiel, feeling the angel’s cock pressed against his ass, demanding entrance. Castiel tugged a little, spreading Sam open even further as he slid inside. “So fucking hot,” Sam gasped, sweat glistening on his forehead and over his chest. “You feel so fucking good.”

Castiel began moving, his thrusts increasing in tempo as Sam thrust back against him, trying to take him deeper. “Sam,” Castiel moaned, his fingers digging into Sam’s hips, driving further into Sam with each thrust, his motions becoming less rhythmic, more frantic. Sam could feel the tension beginning to build, starting in his belly and spreading throughout his entire body to the very tips of his fingers. He didn’t fight it this time as Castiel brought him to the edge. He bucked backward, his climax rolling over him at the same time as he heard Castiel cry out his name and felt him shudder, the angel’s orgasm rocking through them both.

“Castiel,” Sam whispered, resting his forehead against the angel’s, shoulders heaving with exertion. The angel released his hold on Sam’s legs, kissing along his neck as he slid out of Sam.

“Sam,” Castiel answered. Sam had no idea why but he again felt tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. “Shh,” Castiel whispered in his ear as he had before but the passion was gone from his voice this time, replaced now with a tenderness that made Sam ache. He didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve Castiel.

He closed his eyes, trying to will away the tears. Before he could open them he felt Castiel’s fingers against his forehead and then a slight tug. When he opened them again, they were no longer in the dark alley behind the bar. Instead, they were back at the motel room. Sam was aware enough of what was going on to realize that Castiel was somehow fully clothed again although Sam did not remember him re-dressing. Sam kicked off his shoes and socks as Castiel kissed him on the forehead then pulled off Sam’s shirt and pants, fixed his boxers and maneuvered him to the bed. Sam sat down, shoulders slumping, unable to meet Castiel’s eyes, unable to stop the horror he felt at what had just happened. What he had just _allowed_ to happen. Castiel sat down beside him, silent, rubbing one hand along Sam’s back.

“I’m so sorry, Cas,” Sam finally managed to choke out.

“Shh,” Castiel said again. “Just lay down, Sam.”

Sam nodded and did as Castiel said, fighting back the stupid tears he could not even begin to explain, but a traitorous few spilled over in spite of his best efforts. Castiel wiped them off his cheek and began carding his fingers through Sam’s hair. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Sam,” he said at last. “I wanted this as much as you did.”

Sam could feel himself relaxing into Castiel’s touch, the guilt still there but fading to the background as a sense of calm overtook him. Sam wondered vaguely if Castiel was using some of his angel mojo but he was feeling so relaxed at the moment that he didn’t dwell on the issue. “Sleep, Sam,” Castiel whispered and Sam closed his eyes, feeling Castiel’s lips brushing gently across his own. Sam smiled. “Why are you smiling?” Castiel asked.

“Usually when you kiss me, I wake up and find it was all just a dream,” Sam said, opening his eyes and gazing at Castiel, his heart aching with pent-up emotion, “but tonight, you’re real. And you’re kissing me as I fall asleep. It’s a nice change.”

Sam’s last memory before sleep finally took over was of Castiel smiling down at him, his expression slightly awed, as though he couldn’t believe what had just happened, either.


End file.
